


can i be close to you?

by gealbhan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Character of Color, Canon Disabled Character, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Huddling For Warmth, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gealbhan/pseuds/gealbhan
Summary: The thing most people don’t know about Rush Valley is how cold the winter nights can grow. So cold, in fact, that the heat gets sapped from the air indoors as if by the snap of a malevolent weather god’s fingers. So cold that people resort to huddling up to fires or each other in hopes of securing some form of warmth.And that’s how Winry finds herself here, curled up in a too-small bed and pressed up against Paninya and staring wide-eyed at nothing.





	can i be close to you?

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the fma wlw gift exchange, for @fullmetal-dyke on tumblr! hope you like it!
> 
> title is from "bloom" by the paper kites. enjoy!
> 
> (also, i forgot while writing this that paninya's legs literally have weapons inside them so uhh.... let's just ignore that fact for a bit huh)

The thing most people don’t know about Rush Valley is how cold the winter nights can grow. So cold, in fact, that the heat gets sapped from the air indoors as if by the snap of a malevolent weather god’s fingers. So cold that people resort to huddling up to fires or each other in hopes of securing some form of warmth.

And that’s how Winry finds herself here, curled up in a too-small bed and pressed up against Paninya and staring wide-eyed at nothing.

They’d decided on the unorthodox solution before sunset. The cold had already begun creeping in, and it had been an offhand comment by Winry, but Paninya had taken her seriously. This will be fine, Winry had thought as Paninya commented with a smile on her resourcefulness. This will be great, she’d told herself as she smiled back and made a joke about cuddling with Den back home. Paninya had laughed, and Winry had continued grinning and sating the momentary panic that fought to overtake her.

Come two hours, things aren’t fine _or_ great.

At least she isn’t cold anymore, thinks Winry in an attempt to cling to optimism; even so, the near-suffocating warmth crawling from her face to her neck is hardly an ideal alternative. Paninya’s back rustles against her chest. Winry tilts her head further into the pillow and swallows.

When they’d settled down, they’d been facing each other, but Paninya’s cold metallic legs had jutted into Winry’s sensitive fleshy ones. After several minutes of trying to slip into the (little, but still present) heat their proximity provided and sleep, Paninya had kicked Winry in the shin by accident. They’d agreed on the position’s discomfort and rearranged themselves into this parenthetical shape. Winry’s still not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse.

And, well, for the past thirty minutes since, Winry has been reexamining some things about herself. The most notable of these realizations is the small fact that her feelings for Paninya go above and beyond platonic affection and mechanical fascination. That’s the sort of thing one tends to realize when sharing a bed.

Belatedly, Winry notices her arms are around Paninya’s waist. She doesn’t remember when they got there. She could untangle herself, quick as that, but Paninya’s breathing is soft, and she hadn’t commented on it whenever _it_ had happened—

Winry takes a deep breath. She shuffles her legs, sliding them back from Paninya’s. She wonders if this is comfortable for Paninya—then she wonders if Paninya is asleep as her breathing implies, or if she’s in the midst of drifting off, or if she’s also awake and having a crisis. (Okay, the last one is a stretch.)

If she thought about it in detail, Winry’s sure she could recall some embarrassing conversations between her and Paninya. She might even be able to scrounge up some embarrassing thoughts she’s had about Paninya, banished to a dusty corner of her mind. She doesn’t particularly want to think about it in detail. Instead, she stares at the thin hair lining the nape of Paninya’s neck and thinks about pressing her lips to a mole sitting there.

She blinks. The realization that she wants to kiss Paninya (even on the neck) should be earth-shattering. It should be big enough to instill a reaction more than furious blushing and the immense urge to squeal into a pillow, which she can’t do because Paninya is also using that pillow.

It isn’t. For whatever reason, Winry feels lukewarm toward these thoughts, aside from the warm feeling in her stomach and heat clinging to her ears.

“Hey,” mumbles Paninya, into the charged silence, and Winry freezes. Had she been thinking too loud? “You still awake?”

Winry considers pretending not to have heard, but she’s sure Paninya’s already heard her sharp inhale. She presses imperceptibly closer. “Yeah. What’s up?”

Paninya is quiet for a couple seconds; for a both panicked and relieved second, Winry assumes she’s dozed off. Then, “I was just thinking, I guess.”

“…About?”

“How good an idea this was.” Winry can hear the smile in Paninya’s voice. It makes her smile too, giddy and tender, and she shuts her eyes. “I’ve already forgotten I was ever cold.”

Winry can’t swallow a breathy little laugh, which produces a shiver from Paninya. “Me too. It’s nice. Really cozy.”

Paninya hums in agreement (at least, Winry assumes so).

And, on that slightly unnatural note, the conversation drops. Maybe because they should both be sleeping, no matter how much Winry wants to spill everything on her mind and hear everything on Paninya’s—and no matter how unwise that might be.

With a sigh, Winry shuts her eyes again. She settles into the sheets, curls her legs up against Paninya’s once more, and lets herself drift out…

Except she can’t. It’s a matter of seconds before she opens her eyes again. Paninya’s breath has slowed, but it’s still not even. The usual sounds of nighttime drift in through the closed window: people bustling about on the streets below, bugs chirping and screeching, the always-present hiss of the wind. It isn’t by any means a cacophony, but it _is_ distracting enough that Winry longs to hear Paninya’s voice again.

She furrows her brows and tries counting. Dogs of varying shapes and sizes bound through her mind, hopping over the rock fence that frames Rockbell Automail. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven_ —then Winry finds herself losing count, because Paninya stretches back against her and settles a gentle hand over one of her wrists. Which are still around Paninya’s waist.

Winry struggles to ignore the heat in her face. She doesn’t think Paninya is going to say anything, but she still grapples for something to bring up. “Your—your pillowcase is really nice,” she settles with. It’s true (if not the best icebreaker).

“Oh, yeah,” says Paninya. “Dominic bought it for me a while ago. Complained about how little care I take of my hair. It’s silk.” She reaches up with her other hand to tap her neck. Winry hums like she hadn’t been staring at that exact spot with a disturbing intensity moments ago. “Keeps my hair nice.”

“Well, your hair does always look nice.” Winry swallows a cough. “Sorry for—I mean, I have trouble sleeping sometimes. So I like to talk through it, except it’s usually just me who’s listening.”

Paninya chuckles, more of a series of exhales than an actual laugh. “S’okay. I don’t sleep great either.” A brief pause. “Wanna talk about why?”

“Um, I—”

“It’s cool if you don’t,” says Paninya. “I just thought you might want—”

“No, no, I do, but—” Winry stops herself mid-sentence to take a deep, deep breath.

Paninya, perhaps hearing the words yet to be spoken, stays silent. Her hand falls away from Winry’s arm. Winry tries not to go cold at the loss of contact—difficult, given she already is cold.

“I get nightmares sometimes,” she blurts, then. A beat of silence. Winry takes a shaky breath and goes on, eyes shutting to keep herself from gauging Paninya’s reaction. “They’re about my parents most of the time, but I’ve been getting more about Ed and Al in the past couple years. I just—I get so worried about them, you know?” She laughs, reedy and humorless. “You know how mad I get when Ed breaks his automail, but I’m always more glad he hasn’t broken _himself_.”

Realizing she’s raised her voice and gotten off-track, she shakes her head. “Granny says I get sorta, um, violent when I’m dreaming sometimes. I toss and turn and—I guess every once in a while I talk. So I might as well warn you now.”

The silence stretches on and on. Winry shuts her eyes for a moment following her ramble—then she hears the sound of movement, and unmistakable automail legs nudge hers. She opens her eyes to find she’s face-to-face with a steady-gazed Paninya. Winry’s arms shrink back from Paninya’s waist and come to lie stiffly at her sides instead. For a long few seconds, they only stare at each other.

“I get it,” says Paninya. When Winry only quirks her head in response, Paninya shuts her eyes and leans back. “I have nightmares about my parents sometimes too.”

“Oh.” Winry’s eyes widen. “ _Oh_ , of course. I—” She stops, not sure what she’s going to say here.

When Paninya’s eyes open, Winry squints through the darkness to spot little flecks of amber among the warm dark brown. (She’s never noticed that before. She’s never noticed, in more than contemplative passing, how beautiful Paninya’s eyes are as a whole before. She needs to rectify this at once.) She finds herself inching closer.

Paninya doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, she continues, “I was—I was young, so I don’t remember the crash very well, but I can imagine. Dominic’s woken me up from my nightmares before, and—and it, uh, isn’t pretty. So you’re not alone in that.”

And then, despite the clear discomfort in her eyes and the sweat and hint of a flush Winry can see on her cheek, Paninya flashes a smile that makes Winry’s heart stop for a good ten seconds.

Once the feeling passes, Winry bows her head. Her bangs fall across her face. “I’m sorry.”

Paninya reaches up and brushes the hair out of Winry’s eyes, renewing her blush. “ _I’m_ sorry,” she says, fingers lingering behind Winry’s ear. “But hey, at least we’ve got each other for comfort when we wake up crying in the middle of the night instead of an old hard-ass.” She cracks another breathtaking grin.

Winry manages to recover sooner this time, with an eyeroll. “Oh, you love Dominic.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not a hard-ass. Or old.”

Well, that’s fair enough. Smiling, Winry shuts her eyes and leans back into the (silk, as she’s learned) pillow. Then she blinks in concern, remembering the legs woven against hers, and straightens back up.

“Wait, we can’t go to sleep like this.”

Paninya snorts. “No, probably not. Here, how about—”

With a considering look, she settles her hands on Winry’s shoulders and guides her to lie on her side, facing away from Paninya. Winry drops her arms back onto the sheets. Paninya, mid-yawn, curls around her, one hand falling feather-light on her hip. Given Paninya is fractionally taller, they fit better like this than the other way around—like jigsaw puzzles slotting into place.

Paninya’s legs are still cold and sharp against Winry’s, but Winry doesn’t think she minds it anymore. One of Paninya’s arms flops onto the pillow. It frames Winry’s face in a subtly protective way that makes her smile.

Another several moments of quiet pass while they get situated. Then sleep deprivation or perhaps sudden bravado takes over Winry, and she says, soft enough that it might be lost to the night, “I really like you, Paninya.”

A pause. “I like you too, Winry,” says Paninya.

 _Damn_. No getting out of this now.

“No, I mean—” Winry twists around, aware she’s only delaying much-needed sleep by moving so much, and grabs Paninya’s hands. Paninya blinks back. For a beat, Winry is reminded of the first time they met, but she ignores the passing tug of nostalgia. “I _like_ you, like you.”

Paninya’s mouth parts, an almost unnoticeable blush traveling across her startled face. Under different circumstances, her owlish face would be amusing; now, it’s skirting the edge of terrifying. Winry wonders if she’s misjudged, if she should shut up and go to sleep now, if her hands are too sweaty to make this whole thing work—

Before she can do anything, Paninya’s face breaks into a zig-zagging grin. “I _like_ you, like you too.”

“Oh,” says Winry, sure this should be more alarming than her brain seems to think it is. She drops Paninya’s hands and rolls onto her back. “Are—are we dating, then?”

“Do you want to be dating?”

Winry stares at the fuzzy ceiling. “I think so, yeah. Do you?”

“I think so, yeah,” echoes Paninya.

This is something Winry has little to no experience in. She blinks another few times, blood filling her entire face again, and then flips back over to face Paninya. Despite the fact she’s only kissed another human being once, and that had been Ed when they were seven (and it had only been on the cheek, and he’d run away screaming about germs, so she doesn’t count it), she blurts, “Can I kiss you?”

Paninya pauses. “Oh—um. Sure, go ahead.”

Winry shuts her eyes and seals her and Paninya’s lips together. Their noses bump together, and their mouths aren’t that well-aligned, and Paninya tastes faintly of the almost-expired meat they’d had for dinner, and Winry doesn’t know where her hands are supposed to go. It’s far from the stuff of a romance novel a pre-teen Winry might have blushed at seeing the title of.

That’s okay, Winry decides. They have time to learn and do better. She leans back, exhaling against Paninya’s mouth, and smiles expectantly.

Paninya’s eyes pop back open. Her eyelashes flutter in the low light, and as she glances up and down Winry’s face, she smiles back. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Please,” says Winry, too quick, and Paninya laughs—that’s okay, too.

Under the cover of the warming night, they share another few clumsy kisses. Winry figures out where to put her hands—she ends up resting one on the back of Paninya’s head and another on her shoulder, and Paninya settles one on Winry’s hip. Between kisses, they giggle breathlessly and exchange giddy smiles. It’s the closest Winry’s ever felt to heaven. Now that she thinks of it, that could just be the lack of sleep talking.

“We’ve gotta get to sleep,” she says, ducking her head into Paninya’s neck. “Can you turn back around?”

Paninya exhales against Winry’s forehead, blowing her bangs aside. “Okay.”

They rearrange themselves into their original position, Winry’s arms back around Paninya’s waist (with the added bonus of no guilt or panic) and their heads inches away on the pillow. Winry shuts her eyes and kisses that mole on Paninya’s neck. A shiver even Winry can feel running down her spine, Paninya giggles.

Winry smiles, dozy, and settles closer, chasing warmth once more. (Funny, she’d almost forgotten how they’d happened upon this situation in the first place.) “You know, you told me you’d stopped stealing, but I don’t think you have.”

Paninya makes a questioning noise. Winry almost doesn’t go through with it, tongue pressing against her cheek as she thinks _this is_ so _bad_ , but—

“You stole my heart,” she says in a small voice.

“Oh,” says Paninya with thinly-suppressed glee—including a wolfish grin Winry can hear. She leans back into Winry and reaches down to her waist to intertwine their fingers. “You stole mine too, you know. So I guess you aren’t as opposed to theft as I thought.”

Winry buries her face in Paninya’s neck to stifle her giggles. “Come _on—_ ”

“Hey—if you can be cheesy, so can I!”

“Go sleep already. _Please_.”

“…You first.

(When Winry wakes to find her legs tangled with Paninya’s, their bodies pressed together—face-to-face again, somehow—and Paninya’s breath slow and evened out, skin and hair glowing in the soft daylight, she smiles.

If she takes a moment to wipe the drool off Paninya’s chin and brush the baby hairs out of her face before she says, “Morning,” no one has to know.)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! comments & kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> [tumblr](http://dndbutch.tumblr.com) / [twitter](http://twitter.com/birdmarrow)


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